Warmheart's Fantasy Comes True
A Plane Ride To Disaster
Visiting people, re-establishing  ties, feeling warm.  These are the things that Warmheart is all about.  Mrs. Warmheart and I flew to California some time ago.   As we boarded the plane and sat down, we discussed the people we would see while out here.   In the row directly in front of us came the sounds of a young boy, screaming.    We talked about this person and that, and suddenly a round face appeared over the seats before us.   A round face that was caked with the stains of candy and soft drinks.  

We tried to ignore him, but the face stayed there.    

"Hi" said the little voice. 

"Beat it, kid", I replied.   

This went on for a while and, once we were safely in air, the kid was actually set free to run up and down the aisle, talking to people and making a complete nuisance of himself.  When he got to our aisle, face covered with shit-colored chocolate, I stood up and asked the parents of the kid to reign him in a bit because he was bothering us, let alone everyone else on the plane.   They gently rebuked him and asked him if he would sit down.   He sat down for about five seconds and again the kid's ugly god damned face appeared over the seats trying to talk to us.   He then spilled some of his drink down on to my lap.  

I stood up again and talked to the Dad.  "Let's come to an agreement.....keep your kid away from me and we'll get along fine."    I heard the Dad gently rebuking the kid, telling him -just loud

 

 enough for me to hear  - that some people didn't like little boys.    I said to Mrs. Warmheart, just loud enough for everyone to hear that some Dads were clueless about how to handle kids.  

Twenty minutes later, after the kid had run up and down the aisle again, the face appeared over the seats one more time.   "Make the kid stop", I warned.   The parents were too busy watching a movie to respond.   I thought out my options.    I considered setting a bear trap in the aisle for the kid, but snapped my fingers as an even better

idea formulated in my brain.  Without further ado, I acted out my longtime fantasy.    With deft skill, and gentle courage I attracted the kid's attention by lifting up my glass of coke as if to offer it to the bratty little bastard.   He started to grab for it and as he leaned towards me my gentle, warmhearted fist landed directly in his stupid gawking face.   The crunching sound of his nose cartiledge being smashed could be heard to the back of the plane.   There was silence, for a moment.  Then one person clapped their hands, then another.   Soon everybody on the plane was standing and giving me an ovation.    My action represented their every desire they had had each time they were interrupted in a restaurant by a spoiled kid, each crying brat in a movie  theater.  Even the captain and two Arab hijackers emerged from the cabin to join in the applause.  

Later, at the press conference, Dan Rather asked the question: "Warmheart, why did you do it?"

I thought for a moment before I replied.  "It's because I care".

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